well, I caught up with the OT!book and analyzed it
here are my chapter per chapter notes, however they're less in depth than what i'm going to write on here
honestly, this is an above average work for the skill level of writting that we're working with, like, i've read a lot of fanfics that are infinitely worse, and the number of fanfics/original stories of non very experienced writters that I prefeered over this one were small
however, there is one BIG problem that really kills a lot of scenes in the book, and that is the pacing
the thing with allowing everyone to create a character and and write a chapter is that for example at the start, there are 80 pages of pure character introduction, so it kinda gets boring after the 15th chapter introducing characters, also, when there is an actually good plot thread going on, having 2 chapters following a totally different thread kills the pacing of the first one. So things like the action scenes that you're trying to pull near the latest chapters falls a little bit flat. You can still write a good book with this setup, but I just dont think action/drama works
now, another problem that is less general to the actual story structure, is actually something that I already ranted about in my texhnolyze review
the general problem that happens when the internet tries to write anything, you end with too much lore
everything must be explained and showed to the reader, you must have a map, names for each location, story for each part, in depth lore for each character, etc.
When you're watching a movie or reading a book that is normally considered to be of very high quality, there really aren't segments where they just dump a shitload of lore in a flashback about the protagonist after the character was introduced for the first time, yet here it happens constantly. You spend like 30 chapters introducing lore for everything and setting shit up but most of the plot points that ends up happening doesn't take advantage of any of that, with one major exception, chapters 17, 28, and 29
you dont need to understand 100% of the world if you're only going to use 20% of it for the plot
the arika/robotic club plotline is actually really really good compared to the rest of the book, and is BY FAR the best part of the book. The concept of a character that just makes drone to explore and do experiments takes full advantage of everything set up, it takes advantage of the concept of the crumbling world, it actually ties well with the other club which was already set up before and allows for a chapter in the future where they actually do a partnership. The end of the chapters usually do set up things that ends up being on use, the writting style is solid. Due to it not being action it does not suffer from that problem I mentioned before
problem is, the best plotline in the book only has 3 chapters
the main arc of the book is this other side/fantasy monster/action plot, which again, the action doesn't really work. The concept of the other side was cool, this distorted land with all the colors reversed and stuff, that's cool, but you just dont take advantage of it. It's just shown and then not really used for anything
I don't really know where that main plot is going, even if it's the one that has had the most screen-time I don't know what the end goal for it would be, but honestly seeing how the structure and how everything is set up, I understnad the book is going to go as far as it can until the thread dies, which doesn't seem to be soon
more weird and specific details are on the documment I shared
i'm also using this post as my pitch for becoming an editor for the book. I think a lot of the earlier stuff cant really be fixed without rewritting, something that I know isn't really going to happen, but I think you can still take this to a good direction if the book goes for long enough