good morning everyone!! the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos say hi too <3
hopefully i can draw something today...
hopefully i can draw something today...
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Thread Necromancy 6x366z
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i desperately need to view this experience,,Penguin wrote: 17b4d
Today is the start of day 4 of my vacation. I have only been back in California for not too long, yet it feels like I have been here for weeks. I’ve done so much, seen so many people, slept on so many different couches.
And I still have 7 more days to go. I love life. 🥰
im extremely glad that youve found a reprieve
and that you've met with a glimpse into a life you can savor fully <3
it is very itchy to try fantasizing of this and yet see nothing but vague shapes
but i just know it has to be real for someone else out there
it just seems like something you could watch forever
...or something
i need to lay down
but
i need to do so much
but im tired...
and other unsourced things
and my photography from a silly little phone with a silly little camera
what's up chat, infinity train on the internet archive, have not watched it yet but have heard it's really good and regardless did not deserve the treatment it got, goodbye
i vaguely that i tended to fixate on "apathy" when i'd met you, you and some others-- i think i believed i really couldnt feel emotion with any meaningful depth, or something. which isn't true, but it does seem to be true that different senses were dulled, emotively and relationally and also physiologically
i wonder why my sense of smell sucks so bad. why i dont hold onto anything anymore. why there isn't much [determination] in this [soul] with which i could ever hope to [act]
im not quite sure how i have or haven't changed...
im not quite sure what i want to cherish and what i want to forget
in a sense, these memories are to be both cherished And forgotten
i want to disown them, or maybe just a part of me wants to... but the remainder holds on, adoring what it meant to others and what it mustve meant to me at the time... not that i can really speak for a past self i barely
i wonder why my sense of smell sucks so bad. why i dont hold onto anything anymore. why there isn't much [determination] in this [soul] with which i could ever hope to [act]
im not quite sure how i have or haven't changed...
im not quite sure what i want to cherish and what i want to forget
in a sense, these memories are to be both cherished And forgotten
i want to disown them, or maybe just a part of me wants to... but the remainder holds on, adoring what it meant to others and what it mustve meant to me at the time... not that i can really speak for a past self i barely
umOsudroid96 wrote: 22j1i
I'm gonna roast you lil duck XDJLuca913 891 wrote: 336u4k
yo droid what are your thoughts on my 117pp padoru NF play lolOsudroid96 wrote: 22j1i
lost
Just kidding, why did you use NF? I don't like low acc pp but I farmed padoru A LOT so I'm not complaining.
Keep on the grind my friend!
uhh
how do I say this
I failed at some point in the map
and using NF is just funny icl LOL
I do this as well. I’m curious how the theme of apathy was brought up, whether it was primarily through me or you or maybe a combination of us both. Conversations are a two way street, a song and dance in a sense. So maybe it was built up naturally between us two conversing about our emotions at the time, each inspiring the other to think deeper about certain themes we would otherwise not inherently speak of.Achromalia wrote: 6z4f3o
i vaguely that i tended to fixate on "apathy" when i'd met you, you and some others-- i think i believed i really couldnt feel emotion with any meaningful depth, or something. which isn't true, but it does seem to be true that different senses were dulled, emotively and relationally and also physiologically
i wonder why my sense of smell sucks so bad. why i dont hold onto anything anymore. why there isn't much [determination] in this [soul] with which i could ever hope to [act]
im not quite sure how i have or haven't changed...
im not quite sure what i want to cherish and what i want to forget
in a sense, these memories are to be both cherished And forgotten
i want to disown them, or maybe just a part of me wants to... but the remainder holds on, adoring what it meant to others and what it mustve meant to me at the time... not that i can really speak for a past self i barely
Typically, we as humans connect with others based on things that we are able to relate with each other on. We were probably going through similar mental journeys and naturally shared some of our common shared experiences together, which happened to be the broad theme of apathy and empathy.
Apathy, empathy and sympathy were all concepts that I was trying to “solve” / understand in my life at the time. I think it revolved around one of my biggest issues at the time, which I failed to comprehend often. Expressing myself and feeling understood, or in a lot of cases back then, MISunderstood.
My memory of my past self will never be fully intact, but I'm tempted to say that my apathetic mindset at the time was pretty directly related to my depression. The more depressed I got, the harder it was to relate, empathize, and connect with people. The more it made me tear away from my friends, family, and society. I was uncomfortable and scared of how I was feeling, so I started down the dangerous path of self-isolation and reclusiveness. At the time though, I didn’t understand how all of my emotions and all of my isolating behaviors affected each other.
It’s all fuel for the flame. A terrible, terrible cycle. Depression made me isolate. Isolation made me depressed. Being more depressed made me isolate even more. I didn’t have the awareness at the time to catch myself in the cycle and lift myself out of it.
I’m tempted to go back and reread our discussions we had about “apathy” all those years ago, and I probably will, but once I have the time and energy to do so. For now, I am too exhausted. Exhausted in a good way.
I hope you can potentially gain a better understanding of your own situation through reading and relating your experiences to my own. I think it’s very healthy to express, connect, and relate with others, so that you are given a sense of not feeling alone and not feeling isolated in your emotions. I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but hopefully my thoughts can inspires something.
Side tangent - I always had a similar issue with a poor sense of smell. After moving away from my home to an entirely new environment, I noticed a better sense of smell. I think my lack of smell stemmed from the fact that I was fairly sedentary with what I did and what I interacted with, so I just got used to the same things. The more you smell something, the less potent it smells. You get used to things.
Moving to Texas made my sense of smell better because I was experiencing brand new smells. Now, coming back to California after a few years, I feel like I can smell all these familiar smells again and stronger than ever because I have been away for so long. I took a tolerance break from everything.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you experience the same things over and over again, you gain a tolerance to said things. Also, I think depression is known to dull certain senses as well.
deep sleep, fleeting dream
i met some really interesting knowledgeable people there that i seemed to be at least mostly normal with, i really wish living with myself was a little more like that
i think that dream drew from some made-up amalgamation of cultural knowledge to inform me of who people were. conversations felt real in a sense, if a bit messy and malformed by the sheer speed of narrative drift
if only...
i met some really interesting knowledgeable people there that i seemed to be at least mostly normal with, i really wish living with myself was a little more like that
i think that dream drew from some made-up amalgamation of cultural knowledge to inform me of who people were. conversations felt real in a sense, if a bit messy and malformed by the sheer speed of narrative drift
if only...